So we just stand here right?

It seems as though wherever I look nowadays there are workmen about. On roads, street corners and even shopping centres. They are everywhere.

However, despite this huge presence it’s rare to see a workman working by himself. Take this morning for instance…

I passed a section of footpath surrounded by an excessive number of red and white barriers.

In between the barriers I could see a man standing inside a rather deep hole. Only his head protruded above ground level as he stood upright in his narrow mini canyon.

Don’t Just Stand There

Now, his colleagues were clearly above ground, not breaking a sweat, and that made me a little curious…

There were three of them.  All dressed in bright yellow jackets with their hard hats on, just like the man in the hole.  All three of them stood still, staring into the depths of the Earth whilst passing the odd comment as I walked on by.

What Are You Doing?

So why were they there, and what part do they play in this disruptive development?

The man in the hole seemed to be very busy but the chaps standing above ground seemed to be quite chilled and relaxed.

I Guess They Could Be…

So I tried to figure out what their roles might be.  Presumably one of them could be the boss, the man in charge in case a disaster happens.

Another could be the planner, the man who directs what happens and when it should happen.

Maybe the third man was a backup, someone to replace the poor chap who had clearly drawn the short straw out of the hat and ended up nearer the centre of our planet.

Very Important People

I guess though that any of them could have been a gas specialist, an electrician, the driver, a health and safety officer, an automated digger controller… whatever one of those might be, or perhaps just a good old tea boy.

You see, at first it appears to be completely over the top to have 75% of the people on the job doing absolutely nothing, but in fact it’s entirely feasible they are all there for a very good reason.

Oh, and most likely it’s perfectly possible that without one of them the project could not continue.  The entire process could fall apart.

Single Point of Failure

It’s a bit like a football team without a goalkeeper, or an NFL offence without a quarterback, or an F1 team without a driver.

They are all the same. Without one of those critical roles being performed the entire event has to stop or face complete failure.

Conclusion

So you see, I should just believe that these additional people are actually there for a good reason, and that they’re performing a critical role in the project or job that is being undertaken.

As individuals, it’s natural for many of us to think that we’re vital to a team or to things that may happen in our personal and professional working lives.  It feels good to be wanted after all.

So keep going, don’t give up and have the self belief that we are all important in our own little ways.

And Finally…

Right then, I’d better leave it there.  I don’t want to be responsible for my colleagues taking a rest with their feet up on their desks… so I’d better go and pop the kettle on for another cuppa.

After all, I’d only be digging a hole for myself if I didn’t.

Dark and Disbelief

Whilst driving into work this morning I had a few “shake my head in disbelief” moments.

First up were the drivers who failed to switch on their headlights. It was pretty dark as dawn hadn’t yet woken up.

I’m amazed at how many people fall into this category. That is no headlights, not the woken up bit.

Just Flick The Switch

I can’t decide if it’s just because they can see everyone else coming with their lights on so they don’t have to worry.

Or maybe it’s down to them actually sleeping at the same time as dawn, perhaps even with dawn. It could of course simply be that they just don’t care, and as a consequence are just too daft to understand the need to switch their lights on.

I’m not sure, but what I do know is I found myself shaking my head from side to side in disbelief. Either way, it was turning out to be pretty dangerous.

Now, talking of dangerous…

Push It And Run

I saw a young woman crossing the road whilst pushing a child in a pushchair.  Now this doesn’t sound too risky does it? Well I’m afraid to say it was and it was pretty irresponsible in the manner that she did it too.

It all happened at a busy crossroads that is controlled by traffic lights. When used correctly it is perfectly safe to cross, even with a child.

As I approached the junction the lights turned red.  So naturally I stopped, as did the vehicle in front of me. So just as well I did really. I then noticed that the traffic in every direction had stopped. That’s it, we just sat there, motionless.

Beep… Oh, Too Late

Then the reason came to light, a loud repetitive audible “beep” could be heard. This of course is for the pedestrians to cross safely in any which way they desired. After all, they pushed the button.

Oh, hang on a minute. No that’s not right, they’ve crossed already!

Why do people do that? Once again I found myself shaking my head from side to side.  She had risked her own life and that of the child.  She had acted responsibly in pressing the button to clearly demonstrate to the child that it’s the correct thing to do but then proceeded to do something else.

Anyone For Frogger

Not only did she risk their lives by playing Frogger but it could have resulted in potentially devastating an innocent driver who could have been caught up in it all.  She did make it safely to the other side and fortunately with her child. The worse that had occurred was that she’d managed to frustrate the early rush hour drivers by forcing them to wait for absolutely no reason what so ever.

Maybe there should be a cancel button on the other side of the road?  No, best not. I can foresee that matter turning into more trouble than it’s worth.  Better leave that idea alone for now.

Wakey Wakey!

So, once the lights had turned back to green we started to pull away, albeit very slowly…

You see, the vehicle in front of me drove slower than I can run, and believe me I don’t run very often or anywhere near Olympic speeds.

I found myself saying things like “if you drove at the usual typical speed for this road you could have an extra 15 minutes in bed”, maybe even with dawn. Who knows.  I shook my head in disbelief. Eventually I reached a three lane road and went on my merry way.

Move Over Please

Then once again… this time in the middle lane, was an ambulance travelling at about 40mph.  Now there could be a very good reason for this reduced speed on a 70mph road but why the middle lane I wondered?

The inside lane was clear. Not a driver in sight.

No one dared to pass on the inside of the ambulance as the law clearly doesn’t permit it. So one by one we squeezed into the outside lane to drive on past. It was at this point I shook my head in disbelief once more.

Gobsmacked!

The ambulance driver was taking off their official green jacket!  Yes that’s right, whilst driving an ambulance in the middle lane at an awkward speed he was irresponsibly risking the lives of many others by getting undressed!

I tried to forget about all of this and settle down for the remainder of my journey.  After all, my head was starting to hurt with all of the sideways shaking.

So Finally

So after all the build up of these stressful incidents I longed for something to make me feel better. Something to calm my body down for readiness of a hard day’s work in the office. Just a little chuckle would do, or perhaps a curious thought.

It was then one of those very fortunate moments occurred. I happened to notice the wording and artwork on the back of a small truck that I had been following.  It said, “SOLAR Self Drive”, and I couldn’t help but say to myself…

Wow! Really? That’s very clever, especially in the dark.

Think I'll stop for a coffee

Children have always looked up to others, and I don’t just mean literally. I’m sure we’ve all had at least one dream of becoming someone special in our lifetime.

For example, a little girl might have aspirations to become a famous singer, or perhaps a Hollywood actress.

Not all girls want to be famous though. Some may be thrilled at the thought of being a school teacher or a nurse and the rewards that those roles provide.

And Boys Want…

For boys it tends to be a little more action and thrill based.  Their desires focus more towards being a top fighter pilot hurtling at Mach 1 through open and clear skies. Some boys dream of becoming a motor racing driver with the adrenaline rushes that blow your head off at high speed as your backside sits inches from the tarmac.

I guess nowadays most are aiming to be the best footballer in the world, but I’m not sure if this is connected to being in front of thousands of fans each week or the receipt of a lottery win into your bank account every month.

Not Many Make It

For me on the adrenaline rush side of things it was one of two options, either to become a basketball player or a formula one driver.

Clearly the latter is incredibly difficult to achieve. Not that playing basketball is easy of course. To be in F1 is an incredible achievement. With only 24 drivers competing in any one race it highlights the niche market of talent.  It’s completely different to some other sports, take football for instance.  Football clubs like Barcelona and Manchester United each could have 30 or more players vying to play every match. It’s a complete contrast.

As for basketball, I loved playing it, and to be honest I still do when I get the chance.  My height helps hugely, which is a perfect excuse as to why I never chased the dream of an F1 driver. There’s no way I could fit into an F1 car!

All Things Disney

On a different theme altogether, one dream I had was to become a top Disney artist. Even today I’d still love to fulfil that dream. I wanted to be in the world of creating characters, story lines, animation, movies… the whole lot.

What a wonderful and rewarding life that would give, and even now just thinking about it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I love to draw, sitting at my drawing board and letting my imagination take over.

The Routine Commute

So given that I ended up in IT, designing and developing computer systems, means my aspirations that I’ve had since I was a little boy will remain unfulfilled forever.

Even my current location of work doesn’t deliver much excitement as I have a commute of over 60 minutes. That’s a minimum of 2 hours a day for 5 days every week. I’ve driven the same route for the past 15 years. As you can imagine, it’s a bit boring now. I could take a different route but that would just mean I’m spending even longer in my car.

F1… Worlds Apart

Despite this mundane driving experience each day I recently started playing F1 2011 on my PS3. Essentially the latest Formula One game to hit the shelves. I have to say I’m finding it a joy to play. It’s not quite reliving a dream but it is excellent. The intensity of the concentration and commitment required is truly amazing.

Now, whilst playing it I started to think about the reality of my commute compared to being an F1 driver.  My initial thought was that they are worlds apart, but I’m not so sure.

Round and Round and Round Again

You see, I might complain about my long tiresome repetitive drive but let’s just think about an F1 driver for a moment.

During each race he’s required to drive around the same short distance over and over again. Given a race may last 50 or 60 laps, and they do plenty more besides over the course of a race weekend, that actually seems quite dull when I think about it.

I Can Do Lots More

My scenery has changed on and off over the years and it’s pretty much in focus wherever I look, so somewhat different to a race track. They do get to drive into the pits, but I get to stop at petrol stations. I could even stop for a coffee without any penalty.

Talking of penalties, I get to stop and hold up traffic without any issues. Unless of course the vehicle behind has a flashing blue light in which case it’s no different to a safety car situation. They should be in front and it’s a good idea to not overtake them. Yes I know, they have a yellow light and not a blue one but you get the gist.

More Flexibility

I can switch lanes too, or drive slower, or start later, or arrive later, whereas they of course can’t. They have to drive the exact same line at the same high speed for every single lap. It’s a completely different concentration level for them and no denying it’s one incredible ability.

I do have hands free access to my mobile phone, so that’s similar to them talking to a race engineer on the pit wall. Oh, and I can drive my route in reverse, something that would be frowned upon and receive a lifetime ban for sure in the world of F1 obviously.

Conclusion

So you see, an F1 driver may get to experience a bigger buzz than me but taking everything into account my commute doesn’t seem so bad after all.

There’s one big final plus point for me. If I arrive home at the end of the day 5 minutes slower than yesterday, I still receive a great welcome home from my family. Which is better than being told I’m no longer needed and that I’m being subsequently dropped for someone better.

Right then, time to head back to the drawing board.

Hang On, What's That Doing Here?

If we are accused of doing something that we never did then we will generally protest our innocence. Likewise, if we are accused of doing something that we have actually done, but shouldn’t have, then we may still try to protest our innocence. At the very least we may try to cover it up by generating false evidence.

These are perfectly natural behaviours and responses. You see, if there is no actual witness to you having done something then it opens the door to bend the truth.

The Role Of The Witness

Take for example the breaking of a world record. To be recognised as having achieved such greatness the event needs to be witnessed and verified there and then. For instance I couldn’t just show someone a stopwatch that says 9.30 seconds whilst standing on a running track at the end of the 100m straight. Well I could but no one would believe that I’ve just achieved a miracle.

Instinct And Trust 

Of course this doesn’t apply to everything. Some events are clearly evident after they’ve happened. For instance a natural disaster that destroys homes, forests and even cities. No questions need be asked there.

I can recall watching the first space shuttle launch whilst sitting in a classroom at the age of 11. It was awe inspiring to imagine that the people inside were on their way into space. Wow! Now despite seeing it on television I had no reason to doubt whether it was real or not.

Incredible Achievement

Back in 1969, on July 20th to be precise, the world experienced a very major event. Millions of people around the globe witnessed it, albeit not in person, but none the less it’s a moment that cannot be forgotten. As I wasn’t born at the time I can only imagine how it must have felt.

You may have twigged that it was the day that NASA achieved the incredible, or may be that should be the impossible.

Astronauts actually walked on the surface of the moon and Neil Armstrong spoke those defining words “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.”.

Line Up And Take Note

Sounds amazing when you think about it, remember it was in 1969. Given the rapid development of technology over the past few decades the belief is that everything is possible.

Some people however are not so convinced. Since that day occurred the world has been full of people who refuse to believe that NASA achieved this goal. Basically they are accused of faking the whole thing, but when you think about it how could NASA have ever proved that it did actually happen?

They couldn’t have a jury all sitting on the moon ready to take note for example.

You Call That Proof?

Well, finally NASA have released what they deem to be proof. Well they say its proof, but to be honest I’m not so sure that it makes a blind bit of difference.

It’s a collection of images taken from 13 miles above the moon’s surface. Odd that, surely after over 40 years they could’ve moved a little closer, or used a better camera may be?

The Hubble Space Telescope manages to generate hi-definition images of the entire universe in outstanding clarity. So something doesn’t seem to add up here.

Oh Look, There’s A Buggy

As the images aren’t exactly clear it’s handy that they’ve pointed out the moon buggy tracks, the mission debris and even footprints left by Buzz and co. 

It’s all a little puzzling though… if it never happened then why try and prove it all now with images that are worse than I could produce in Photoshop, or take with my mobile. 

Similarly if they really did step foot on the moon then why release these images at all.

Is it all just a cover up?

The President: “Be The First!”

President Kennedy gave the directive to NASA to put a man on the moon before the end of the 1960’s. They achieved this with less than 6 months remaining. Some theorists say the claim was made to ensure that America went down in history as being the first to do so.

Japan Has Landed

OK, so let’s be honest. The only way it will ever be proven is if someone else goes to the moon. Other than America of course, and this is where Japan come in.

It is believed that Japan is aiming to head to the moon during the next decade, with a plan to start building a moon base in 2030. A “Moon Base”… that sounds so cool.

So I guess we won’t have to wait long to find out. Unless they do a deal and claim they’ve landed elsewhere on the surface. I mean, who could prove otherwise?

Conclusion

So was NASA just trying to win over the Earth’s population in the short term? I doubt that very much. Were they claiming to have done it just to be credited as the first? I doubt that too.

One thing, they did bring a sample of moon rock back to Earth, so that’s proof isn’t it?

No you’re right, I guess it isn’t, and to be fair I’m not sure what else NASA could’ve brought back. It’s just a shame it’s only rock. After all, we have rock.

Something more mind blowing or convincing would have been good. For instance, a state of the art as yet unreleased Sony 4D television, or perhaps a flying automobile with a traffic avoidance system that isn’t due out for another 20 years.

Oh hang on a minute… sorry, Japan haven’t landed yet have they? Or have they?

Ok, well how about an alien… they’re much better than rock after all. But then for all we know they may well have done just that… spook!

And he could be in Area 51 right now… whatever that is.

Armbands and Parachute Deployed Captain!

Just a quick little story if you have 4 or 5 minutes to spare…

I’m writing this whilst sitting in row 39, in seat C, on a Thomas Cook flight bound for Gatwick. It’s an aisle seat lined up alongside the emergency exit doors. I pre-booked this seat for the extra leg room just as any normal giraffe would.

First Up, The Nervous Steward

I’ve just watched the safety demonstration by the male steward. He stood right in front of me. Worryingly he had one of those uncontrollable giggles and smiles going on.

It was like a budding young actor on stage for the first time who couldn’t withhold his nervousness, embarrassment and excitement in front of the vast audience. Anyhow, he did a fine job and held it together well.

Marvellous. Well done…

Dressing Up

He held aloft a seat belt and showed us how to use it. He ran through the safety leaflet. He flapped his arms to highlight where the escape routes were, although I couldn’t help wonder if it was an example of what I should do if required to depart at several thousand feet. He then followed this up with the face mask demonstration, calmly placing what can best be described as a yellow beaker over his nose & mouth.

He finished up with the usual life jacket show. It went something like this… place it over your head, tie the straps round your waist and to the side, once out of the aircraft pull the toggle to inflate it, use the blow pipe if it’s a bit flat, and then finally use the whistle and light to aid your rescue. Presumably so the pirates and bounty hunters, sorry the rescue teams, will be able to find me amongst all of the plane wreckage. It was the same demonstration that they’ve always given, always have and always will.

But What About?

Now whilst that sounds all very handy I do have a bit of an issue here. Well, and a little more besides. You see, the first thing is he’s suggesting that I must do all of this for myself before starting this procedure on my children.  Yes I know, of course this does make sense, but I can’t help thinking I’ll be frantically puffing away whilst seeing my daughters flap about in choppy waters trying to get a good grip on a piece of wing. Or worse fighting off Captain Hook with a piece of undercarriage.

And Another Thing

Then I thought, hang on a minute. Let me get this right. Whilst the aircraft plummets out of the sky I need to calmly attach a plastic cup to my face so I can breath, and then I can assist my daughters. Ok that’s sort of very sensible too when you think about it. Then, whilst performing our Olympic dive over the Atlantic I just need to pop our life jackets on and tie them up. Hmm, but we’re sitting in our seats, belts tightly fastened with an oxygen line connecting our heads to the over head lockers looking like something out of the next alien blockbuster movie.

So I gather after temporarily holding my breath to disconnect my umbilical cord from above I need to put the life jacket over my head and tie it as best as I can. Then assist the little ones in doing the same.

Waiting for the Impossible

At this point everyone must now wait for what is to be the gentlest landing on water that has ever happened to avoid wiping out all forms of life. Bar the amazing achievement by Captain Sullenberger who glided his Airbus 320 down gently onto the Hudson River.

So somehow the pilot and his merrymen need to level her belly out, slow her up from a million miles per hour to about two, and lay her down on the choppy water like a sleeping new born baby being placed into her Moses basket.

I am not a pilot but I’m pretty sure that’s impossible. The reality is surely that the “baby” will go head first much faster than was initially anticipated.

What Do You Mean “Don’t Panic” ?

And here’s my problem, what good is a life jacket when you won’t be alive to even remember in the sheer panic of what to do outside the craft?

With a life jacket on I would need to have left the plane before impact to avoid being wiped out instantly. So I’ve had a thought…

What A View

Surely the better option is to have a parachute, and not a life jacket at all? Granted we may have similar issues putting it on, in fact possibly easier as it doesn’t need to go over my head.

And yes, I appreciate that leaping from a plane travelling as fast as a space rocket hurtling into space, albeit the wrong way, may not sound like the best idea. Or possible for that matter. But I can’t help thinking that I’d at least be able to look forward to a parachute jump, something I’ve never done. Think of the thrill, and the view would be quite spectacular too.

Early Days

There are of course flaws to all of this, but it’s early days. The people at the front of the aircraft for instance run the risk of being made into a bolognaise with the engines and wings, so perhaps their seats should be cheaper?

Plus there is the landing. If we are over land then there is a good chance of survival. The problem comes when an ocean beckons below as I will of course need a life jacket.

My Conclusion

My conclusion therefore is that I would like a life jacket with a parachute included in the back of it please Mr.T. Cook. Although suitable instructions on which cord to pull first are essential.

As my iPhone is currently on airplane mode I will have to wait until after landing before posting this. So by the very fact that you’re reading this now I can rest easy knowing that my life jacket was not needed, and neither was my parachute… that they forgot to pack.