Fireworks done - Now post the flyers!

Last week at home we had the unfortunate matter of our landline home telephone deciding to no longer work.

It just stopped. Holiday mode I imagine.

As if by magic it just suddenly went silent during Tuesday morning, and to be honest it was fairly adamant it wasn’t coming back any time soon.

One Stop Shop

My curious mind couldn’t help thinking the other end of the phone line had been unplugged in the exchange box.  Hmmm…

With it went the broadband connection. Fortunately British Telecom (BT) are responsible for it all so I promptly logged a fault with them.

How Long?

Now, as I’m on their superfast, high performance Infinity 2 broadband deal I’d hoped for a swift investigation.  Unfortunately I was mistaken.

“Sometime over the next 4 days we’ll have a look for you”, was the response.  Four days? This is 2012 for heaven’s sake!

That Was Quick

Well, eventually an engineer turned up on Thursday. Oddly enough after a swift visit to the local exchange box he had it resolved in a jiffy!

Loose plug perhaps?

It’s quite frustrating, paying for an expensive service for two days of nothing. Wonder what they do with my money if it’s not to fund my fibre connection 24 hours a day?

Anyway, fortunately it’s fixed now so thank you BT.

Oooh, A Bit of Post!

So, this leads me onto something that popped through my letterbox yesterday. You know the old fashioned way of communicating.

The envelope in question was addressed to “The Householder”. It was from BT.

Ex-Directory Does More Than I Thought

Odd, I’m sure the last time I spoke to them they knew my name. And what’s up with not emailing me to save time and money?  You know, my money that I pay every month!

May be they didn’t know they’d fixed my connection issue so decided to write to me instead.

I’m assuming of course that it was a general flyer that every household received. Fair enough, although seems a bit pointless in one way.

Funny Olympics

So what was inside?  Well it contained a rather large poster, about A2 in size, of a colourful and funny cartoon picture. Great, I love cartoons!

The cartoon related to the London 2012 Olympics and had plenty of comical and light hearted shenanigans going on all over it. Clearly a lot of effort had been applied to producing it.

Let’s Party!

Now given that the London 2012 Olympics finished over a week ago, 10 days to be precise, I assumed it was celebrating Team GB’s success in winning so many medals at home.

Er… no.

The main heading across the middle read “This Summer’s Biggest Deal”.  Below it was an offer for broadband and calls “from the official broadband provider of London 2012”.

The next heading said “A Performance you can rely on”.  Words such as reliable and superfast were mentioned in the statements that followed.

But You Know I Have That?

Apparently I can keep right up to date with all the results from the Olympics, with BT. It even comments on my existing service failing right at the final moments of the 100m sprint, and that I need to get a new service from them to guarantee unspoilt entertainment.

What… how… but… I’m on the most expensive, the fastest and best service that BT have available.

Perhaps Just Bad Timing…

Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand the bold sales strategy being applied here but come on, really?

I’d hardly call my BT connection reliable considering what happened last week. Yes, it’s superfast but this offer hardly shows great performance by arriving so late.

Conclusion

I’m sorry to say that we only have the London 2012 Paralympics remaining.  The main London 2012 Olympics fortnight has long since departed so I can’t keep up to date with the 100m Final or any other event that I may pass interest over.

Oh hang on, of course I did. Silly me.

As I’ve mentioned, I already have their high performing superfast BT Infinity 2 service rendering this flyer as completely pointless.

Then there’s the confident wording relating to reliability and performance.  Oh please BT, be careful with your timing.

Finally

Now, had this turned up a week ago followed by the writing of this article then I’d be wondering if I’d been responsible for my own loss of service last week… but then I’m not sure they know who I am, where I live or even what day it is.

Thanks anyway BT, I enjoyed the cartoon!

Prison Fire Sparks Crazy Headlines

So there you have it, it’s all in a headline. If the headline doesn’t grab you by the time you’ve read the last word then the chances are you won’t bother to read the news story.

Unless you’re bored of course.

Warm Snow

Now, last month most of Britain woke up to a blanket of snow. Bit of a surprise considering the mild temperatures experienced up to that point. Even Christmas day had reached double figures.

The white stuff didn’t last long though and things are now picking up again. February went from -18 to +18 degrees centigrade which is just crazy!

Is That True? Let Me Check

So as March arrived I was a little shocked to read the news headline of “Snow Blizzards To Hit Britain”.

Along with thoughts of “Oh no not again”, I doubted that it was actually a true story to be honest.

However, out of curiosity I continued on and read the story.

No Need To Panic

Now it did say that snow was possibly likely to fall on an island north of Scotland. Can’t remember which one now but technically it’s in Britain. The article explained the term “blizzard” as a wind speed of 25mph or more.  That surprised me. I thought it would be faster than that?

Anyhow, technically the headline was true. Albeit over dramatic but it had done its job nonetheless. I’d read the article from top to bottom proving it was a good piece of journalism.

A Funny Headline

Over the weekend another great headline popped up.

Let me briefly explain the story first for you. Some masked inmates ran amok in a prison. They set fire to buildings, overpowered the guards and caused around £5m worth of damage.

The headline for this story focused on the punishment of the offenders, the arsonists if you prefer. It said “Inmates Jailed For Prison Riot Damage”.

Don’t Do That! Now Do It Again!

Yes that’s right, the inmates have been punished by… well… locking them back up. Hmm.

That’s like sending your child to their bedroom as punishment for staying in their bedroom, huh?

To be fair, it was a great headline that made me read the story, so once again a good piece of journalism.

One Bean + One Bean = Some Beans

I’ve just read a story about the mathematical ability of adults in the UK.  It was titled “Half of English Adults Have Poor Maths”.

Not overly exciting or dramatic I know but as I quite like being challenged by the odd number crunching question I thought I’d have a read.

Writing About Yourself

It basically said that 56% of UK adults admit to having no understanding of mathematics. “So what?”, I hear you say. “What’s this got to do with my earlier topic of conversation about headlines?”.

Well you see, it would appear the journalist writing this very article falls into the 56% bracket. I know I’m being a bit pedantic but the headline is wrong, even a little misleading. As far as I can recall, I was always taught at school that 56% does not equal half.

Whilst wrong though, I did end up reading the story.

Latest News!

Now, did you know that fuel bills are set to double?

No, I bet you didn’t but that could be my next heading. It may not be true of course but it appears I can say what I like if I word the story as a potential prediction for over the next decade.

Who knows, I might be half right… or maybe 56% wrong. Apparently I can be both.

Conclusion

So you see, headlines can be bang on perfect but they can also be misleading and inaccurate if you stretch things a little.

Oh, and as for the headline at the top of this article?

Well I guess I was wrong, but as it could’ve potentially been the last thing you did on Earth I feel privileged that you read this post right to the very end. Thank you.

I can't slam dunk it... it won't fit!

Have you ever heard someone utter the words, “a licence to print money”?

Hmm, yes probably.

It’s a nice thought and a great privilege if you’re allowed to do it.

Well, the Royal Mint has that very privilege. They also have the honour of making coins by the billions to pump into the monetary system.

Perfection is the key

Clearly it carries a great responsibility. Everything has to be exactly right with the printing of each note and the structure of each coin. With a high level of accuracy every single item produced has to be as per the design specification.

Ok, so that’s marvellous.

When Was That Then?

Well apart from when they get the design wrong that is. Take for example the new 20p coin launched in 2009. Its size and weight were perfect but after the Royal Mint had sent 200,000 into circulation they then realised they had forgotten to date them. Coin collectors went mad of course, paying up to 250 times their face value to get hold of one.

I’m sure that’s a mistake that the Royal Mint will never make again.  Presumably they now have even stricter rules to reach perfection.

Great, that’s marvellous.

Change Saves Money

Well, unfortunately it appears that isn’t the case. You see, the Royal Mint have just launched new 5p and 10p coins. The new designs will save them £8m a year apparently.

Now that is marvellous.

The cost saving is in the material used for the coins as they are now being made out of steel instead of copper and nickel. So what’s the problem then?

A Cost Saving? Er, No

Well unfortunately it would seem that in order to keep the coins the same weight they’ve made each one thicker.

You see, in the UK there is an old style parking meter that is unable to accept the thicker coins, and the problem is they are installed everywhere. The estimate to replace these useless parking meters is estimated to be around £80m, to be paid for by the local councils.

Not marvellous at all.

Lack of Parking

So due to the incompetence of the Royal Mint coin designers there are bound to be some serious parking issues coming up. The thing is, parking is bad enough already. Car parks never seem to be made big enough.

May be this will force the government and councils to look into controlling parking in a better way.

Why Put It There?

For instance, my youngest daughter plays netball during the evening at a local sports leisure centre. Parking would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that there’s a secondary school bolted onto the side of it.

This means that whenever the school hold a parents evening, or something similar, it’s impossible to find a space to park. It leads to double parking and complete chaos.

Get Famous & I’ll Press Record

Of course I do find somewhere to park eventually, but I end up missing a substantial amount of her training session. She really enjoys playing and her ability is improving all the time I might add, not that I get to see much of it.

Who knows maybe one day she’ll be on TV. At least it will allow me to watch a recording once I’ve given up on the parking idea.

Success can surely happen as only last year one of the older girls progressed to playing for England, which is fantastic. If only netball had been made into an Olympic sport then she could’ve potentially played for England at the London 2012 Olympics, and been on TV too.

Now that would definitely be marvellous.

London 2012 Olympics Special

Oh, whilst on the subject of the London 2012 Olympics, a special commemorative collection of coins are now on sale. Guess who made them?

Yes, the Royal Mint of course.

A lot of thought has gone into the making of them, and let’s face it, given the amount of attention surrounding the London 2012 Olympics they need to get them bang on perfect.

The Collection

There are 29 coins to collect in all. Each one representing a different Olympic sport from the London 2012 line up.  Number 5 for instance is basketball.

Personally I really enjoy basketball. I loved playing it and find it great to watch, which is why I’m off to see a couple of games with my family when the Olympics arrive in London.  It’s because of this that my dad has bought me a number 5 coin to keep.

Basketball Queen

Now, we had a look at it to see the unique design on it, and yes, it represents the sport of basketball. There’s a special moulded design on one side. On the other side, the head’s side, it has the standard Queen’s head with the official wording of “ELIZABETH.II.D.G REG.F.D.2011”.

Yes, they remembered the date this time.

So well done Royal Mint, that’s marvellous.

Conclusion

Well no, it isn’t really. The thing is, presumably the date on a coin has to be when it was actually made. Otherwise it may be deemed illegal. I get that bit.

So I guess you may have realised by now that for something that is to be a collectable, commemorative coin for the London 2012 Olympics does in fact have the date of ‘2011’ planted on it.

Only the Royal Mint could make something so collectable, seem so worthless.

Marvellous… absolutely marvellous.

Any dips with your letter sir?

There are plenty of organisations that offer help for one reason or another.

It could be some guidance on how to use an appliance for example.

Others give options of advice on how to fix a leaking tap.

If you are stuck on how to rebuild the engine in your car you don’t have to be alone.

You can even find books in the local library to discover how to really look after a pet.

Think About What You’re Saying

Have you ever seen a message like this though: “Having trouble with your telephone?  Ring 0800 555555 now for help!”.

Or perhaps you’ve seen something like this: “Having trouble with your internet access?  Visit www. computerhelp.com/theinternet now for help!”.

Why do they say things like this, surely the people behind this useful information aren’t as silly as they sound?

Yes ok, you’re probably right.  Maybe they are.

Delivery For You Sir!

You see, this morning on the news they covered an item that involved the Royal Mail Delivery Service.

For those who don’t know, the Royal Mail employ post men and women to hand deliver envelopes, leaflets and parcels to households across the UK.  They literally deal with millions of items each week.

It’s Going to be a Bumpy Ride

The news story covered a certain issue regarding a town in southern England. In this town there is a poorly maintained public road that leads to a number of properties.

As a result of the condition of this road the Royal Mail has now decided that they can no longer make deliveries to these properties until the road quality has been improved.

Sounds a bit harsh but if it’s dangerous I can see that it could of course become a serious issue.

Conclusion

So, the Royal Mail will be informing all of the residents affected that they can no longer deliver mail to them.

How?

Well, they are writing a nice little letter to them all of course…

I know, don’t ask.  Silly isn’t it.